Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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