remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
