I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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