So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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