I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
