i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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