Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
