Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
