Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I will die if light touches me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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