Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
