Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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