Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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