Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
