new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
