The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
