Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
