that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
