did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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