Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
