she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
