Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
