Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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