whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
