I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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