i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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