He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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