can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
