Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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