So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
