How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
