I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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