Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
