So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
