ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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