Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
