Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
