I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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