I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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