Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
