I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
