Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
