with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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