Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
