Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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