And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
