Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
