Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
