Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
