He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
