I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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