glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You are the jesus of drinking
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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